Creative Culture

Traffic Light Epiphany

Dedication for this write is to brother Theo Dyssean; thanks for everything!

I saw a man today poised on a street corner waiting to enter the crosswalk. I saw him from in my car as I waited at that same intersection for a green light. The man was old and he was carrying a purse. It was not a cool-guy modern man’s purse, one that was all sporty and rugged, sensible and functional, earth tone and with testicles hanging from it. It wasn’t that sort of purse at all.

It wasn’t the sort of purse that you could dismiss away with a catchy pseudonym to distance it from the feminine persuasion. It wasn’t a “go-kit” or an “EDC kit” or a “War Bag” or even a Day-point-Five Bag… this was a purse like your grandmother would carry because it was not sexy and neither was she; not for thirty years now, and her name was likely Estelle.

The man was an old man, late sixties I would venture. He stood staring waiting for green, his purse in hand handing straight down in his left hand supported by two looped carrying handles, and… God help me… I do believe it was lavender because a worse color it certainly could not have been.

Men… =roll eyes=

Yeah, they carry purses by other names and endeavor to shrug off the notion that it is anything other than a Personal All-Life Management System (PALMS). But when it comes right down to it the PALMS description boasts only words of a pretense of supposition.

To look into one of them would reveal wads of tissue of questionable color gamut, gum, mints, tiny salt/pepper packs, chapstick, rubber bands, band-aids, really stale candy, a tiny pocket knife of almost pointless functionality, and a clutch of paper money… a purse.

I mused how things had changed since I was just a boy. Why, if a man were caught (somehow) carrying a purse, he would certainly be instantly rolled up by a band of neighborhood brigands and roughed up for being a fag, a homo, a sissy — oh my! Nowadays it’s not an at all oddity to tote a whatever you want to call it, men… though the lavender part did send my right eyebrow on a northern excursion… momentarily.

Flammarion

The man even chatted the up lad waiting next to him sporting a skateboard. I’d say he was a kid, though in my day you only ever saw a kid with a skateboard. Today you see dudes in beards and mustaches with no jobs who live with their mothers and ride skateboards.

They also ride those tiny BMX trick jumping bikes with their beards and mustaches. Yea, though I may try to rationalize that jumping dirt mounds on tiny bikes is a thing just for kids… the reality is those tiny bikes are, in fact, primary sources of transportation for these… “men”.

Hieronymus_Bosch_-_Triptych_of_the_Adoration_of_the_Magi_-_WGA2606

The old purse man seemed to be confirming a quick set of directions from the bearded skateboard man, who seemed cordial and engaging. He nodded in fervent affirmation that the directions for the old purse man were true. Bearded skateboard man knew his way around this part of town well because his mother had taken him out and around many a time.

And they two stood silently waiting for green.

Finally green came and I reveled in the epiphany of change I had just experienced there at that intersection. Everything had changed, or would soon enough change, and the world will not come to an end after all though we may most of us wish it so in earnest.

A wee-wee is the only truly girl thing, and a tally-wacker is the only truly boy thing; beyond that, there are no other girl things or boy things left. But those things too are subject to the whim of change. They were all unisexual things, I says. Just a mismatch of madness that comes in one size fits all, says I.

There will be no men’s cigarettes or women’s cigarettes, men’s shoes or women’s shoes, men’s jobs or women’s jobs. Soon everyone will be everything. Skateboards and BMX bikes are not just for kids, they are also for grown men with zero responsibility but opiates and their X-Box. Men are men and women; women are women and men. Purses are for men and women, tricks are for kids, dogs live with cats, bathrooms have no distinction, little pink houses for you and me… MURICA!!

I am Spartacus!

Michelangelo_Epifania

As I trucked through the interaction and came nearer and nearer to old purse man, as our apogee became perigee… I saw that after all old purse man had in fact actually been… an old purse woman. He was a she. Well… cheese and crackers damnit! I had it all figured out, really I did… and now I had nothing. Another one of life’s simple pleasures ruined by a meddling bureaucracy

And in that very moment, it occurred to me then that after all this time there at that intersection, my epiphany… had been scant less than a big fat flaming-yellow lie.

By Almighty God and with honor,
geo sends

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clluelo
clluelo
1 year ago

An epiphany is still an epiphany

LPD256
1 year ago
Reply to  clluelo

Happy New Year CL!

susanjh01
susanjh01
1 year ago

Outstanding article, Geo. Thank you for the beautiful pieces of art you included. “Men are men and women; women are women and men.” Uh, no. Not for me. Have a very blessed Christmas with your precious loved ones, Geo.

susanb01
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

Like

LPD256
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

Happy for you Geo. Peace be with you and the kids.

Brandon Mac
Brandon Mac
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

Holiday with the family, can’t be any better than that.

There are manly women and womanly men…I don’t ascribe to the idea that men can become women and women can become men. I’m bound to get flagged for bad think and lack of progressivism.

susanjh01
susanjh01
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

Bang on, Geo. Although, apparently, if you IDENTIFY as a rhinoceros, you are indeed a rhinoceros. Just watch out for those nasty poachers…

susanjh01
susanjh01
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

Sorry, Geo, just saw this comment; I didn’t get a notification. I know you had a wonderful Christmas, with all your beautiful children. First Daughter was still in bed? Good for her! God bless.

JoyB
JoyB
1 year ago

Geo, I think a selection from Monty Python or Aerosmith’s Dude Looks Like a Lady would have been fitting for your story.

Mic-Mac
Mic-Mac
1 year ago
Reply to  JoyB

Joy, the Kinks Lola, came to my mind also.

Mic-Mac
Mic-Mac
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

Lol geo! You had a good one, just so many to choose from.

Mic-Mac
Mic-Mac
1 year ago

LOL geo, I am picturing my grandmother, who I only remember as old, as she was in her 60’s when I was born. She had that same purse you describe just much larger, and when my sister and I saw it we knew she would be staying a few days, and that wasn’t a good thing. Hers would tote at least a two or three-day change of clothes and her essentials of which there were few, as she never wore makeup or perfumes. To read this essay, dedicated to Oddy, whom the Women of The Freq (WOTF) adore, at 3:13… Read more »

Mason
Mason
1 year ago
Reply to  Mic-Mac

Yeah, but being a kid of the 60’s, I knew exactly what he meant when I read “wee wee” and “tally-wacker”, no translation required. Busted a gut with you.

Mason
Mason
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

63, we are only separated by the margin of time I was in diapers.

Mic-Mac
Mic-Mac
1 year ago
Reply to  Mason

My brother, was born in the late summer of 63. 10 years younger than me.

Miche
Miche
1 year ago
Reply to  Mic-Mac

WOTF, hahaha! It’s close enough to WTF I did a double-take…. and it has a nice nostalgic history to it. 😉 Hope you got in some zzzzz’s!

Mic-Mac
Mic-Mac
1 year ago
Reply to  Miche

Miche,
We were all called LOS, maybe I should change it to LOF or LOTF, LOL.. My 3 AM mind first typed WTF, and I said nope that’s not working, so I did add the O. Or maybe just LOF. What do ya ladies all want. This is now open to a vote Haha. Mason, I had never heard tally-wacker before, I think that’s what made me really start laughing. Loved it, and went back to bed for 4 hours.

Miche
Miche
1 year ago
Reply to  Mic-Mac

The juvenile part of me is inclined to vote for WTF or LOF, hahaha.

TexJ3
TexJ3
1 year ago
Reply to  Mic-Mac

I think they should vote 🙂

Mic-Mac
Mic-Mac
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

Agree on the vote. I suggested earlier. But need to decide on what to vote on. All opinions on the table. Would make a good short article LOL.

Miche
Miche
1 year ago
Reply to  Mic-Mac

Check us out, all democratic and fair-minded, welcoming everyone’s opinion before we take a vote. How often does THAT happen? 😉
I feel like we need to channel a bit of Hamilton-Madison-Jay to weigh the pros and cons in an article for us. I mean, we’ll be stuck with the decision for the duration, so we should be well-informed before casting our votes!

texj3
texj3
1 year ago
Reply to  Miche

Yes, quite democratic. I have the feeling with added time and holiday spirit and spirits, the choices shall become of utmost hilarity.

TexJ3

Miche
Miche
1 year ago
Reply to  texj3

Bring it on, hahaha…

Mic-Mac
Mic-Mac
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

If she were alive today my grandmother *Orcellia* would have turned 120 this past December. She was the meanest women I ever knew. Oh, but I can see her with that bag.

Miche
Miche
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

One of my former co-workers and friends is named Estella. She’s an accountant, smart as a whip, earned her citizenship the long hard legal way, and is an incredible, classy, elegant woman. Give her a couple of decades, though, and I bet she’d have no problem hitting you over the noggin with a stylish lavender purse. 😉

Mic-Mac
Mic-Mac
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

Bea Aurthor, I did like her. I use to watch Maude, but for some reason I never watched The Golden Girls. I watched bits and pieces here and there and they were funny, but couldn’t tell you any of their names except oh yea, Bea Aurthor was Estelle, LOL.

Mason
Mason
1 year ago

Two great articles in a single day, and an Epiphany dedicated to a guy I shared 80’s Japan and Korea exploits in chats with one beery evening. Life is good.

Miche
Miche
1 year ago
Reply to  Mason

Fun times, that chat! Have you seen Freq’s new chat option through Patreon?

Mic-Mac
Mic-Mac
1 year ago
Reply to  Miche

Miche, I have not seen it. I would do the Patreon thing. Could you send me the link in messenger.

Miche
Miche
1 year ago
Reply to  Mic-Mac
Mason
Mason
1 year ago
Reply to  Miche

Me three! Thanks Michou

Mason
Mason
1 year ago
Reply to  Miche

So is Discord the Chat Channel, or are we still waiting for that functionality?

Alex Green
1 year ago
Reply to  Mason

Mason,
Yes! We utilize Discord for our chat feature. Thank you for your support – let us know if you need any help getting it up and going.

Miche
Miche
1 year ago
Reply to  Mason

Mason, I confess, there was a bit more of a learning curve to put all the pieces together than I expected (new, unfamiliar system), but now that I get it, it’s pretty smooth. AND you can use the @people thing. AND you can download the app to get instant notifications when there’s something going on. (The guys are cracking me up…I don’t even get all of what they’re talking about, but they’re fun.)

TexJ3
TexJ3
1 year ago
Reply to  Miche

Ugh. I am the tech idiot. I will try to get on again later. But I am so very happy that it exists and to be a member.

Merry Christmas Eve y’all.

Oh…and spread the joy and the word y’all about patreon!!!!

Miche
Miche
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

Hmm…tin= *nag* or *tease* in this context? Consider carefully before you reply, cher… 😉
Also, s’us?? From se user? (I’m still struggling to pick out verbs from their conjugated forms, sigh 🙄)

Miche
Miche
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

Come play with us behind the scenes of Freq! All kinds of interesting-fun conversations on three different channels, and some days the silliness reaches epic proportions. (Serious conversations must be prepared for abrupt derailment at any given moment.)

Mic-Mac
Mic-Mac
1 year ago
Reply to  Mic-Mac

I am signed up, thank you Miche!

Mason
Mason
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

Well, when I relayed “We have many nice young girls want to meet you”, when I was in Inchon, and he never missed a beat and added to the same experience, I was ready to start drinking and swap stories all night long . . . but I went to bed at 9 p.m. because I ran out of beer, and was up at 4 a.m. to swim, lol.

Miche
Miche
1 year ago

I confess, cher geo, that in a world where anything goes, I still prefer my men a bit more traditionally masculine, whether they’re sharp and crisp in a tailored suit or rugged and scruffy in flannel and jeans—I prefer them to be responsible, hard workers and not sit in basements of their mothers surrounded by aluminum cans and dirty dishes while they play online video games with their virtual friends all day. I admit I still tend to initially recoil at things like men purses and man buns and man skinny jeans that make me squirm in sympathetic discomfort. The… Read more »

shooten
shooten
1 year ago

The ever elusive and inadvertent shim (she/him). If you’re in the Pacific Northwest, I found bearded grandmothers to be common. Maybe it’s where I used to hang out. Great point about the end of sexual dimorphism in our society. I’m pretty sure they still beat men with purses or grandmothers that look like men in some countries (Vlad?). Thanks for a thought provoking article and making me think early on a Sunday. Merry Christmas Geo!

Mic-Mac
Mic-Mac
1 year ago
Reply to  shooten

Hi there Shooten.

Miche
Miche
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

HAHAHAHA! 🤣

TexJ3
TexJ3
1 year ago

I am so excited to see your writing here! An early Christmas for certain. I am currently a passenger driving state to state. The lines of each seem to blur by at rapid rates of speed as the hours add up. Though we are in the same country, there are defined lines state by state, different flags flying in each and as we proceed I am accosted by the honeyed warm intonations of the accents of my youth. The kinds that have vowels long enough that if they measured in caloric intake one would likely not fit through a door… Read more »

LPD256
1 year ago
Reply to  TexJ3

Tex-Thanks for pointing out this site to me. I signed with Patreon.

TexJ3
TexJ3
1 year ago
Reply to  LPD256

This makes me so happy!!! I am glad to seee you here! Thank you.

Merry Christmas Eve y’all.

TexJ3

Mic-Mac
Mic-Mac
1 year ago
Reply to  TexJ3

Merry Christmas Eve to you too TexJ3

Mic-Mac
Mic-Mac
1 year ago
Reply to  LPD256

Awesome

susanjh01
susanjh01
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

Geo, I agree that TexJ3 has a wonderful way with words. However (lest you think you can hang up your keyboard any time soon) your writing, your experiences and your very spirit are unique and cherished. I’m sorry but you cannot stop writing any time within the foreseeable future. 🙂

susanjh01
susanjh01
1 year ago
Reply to  TexJ3

My Lordy, you write well, T3.

susanjh01
susanjh01
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

I can’t help it, Geo; she’s really good!

susanb01
1 year ago

George…I truly am left wordless by this one. That is quite an accomplishment, as you must know by now. lol

LPD256
1 year ago

Geo-I haven’t heard the word tally wacker since my Mom told me That’s what I have. At my age, man buns are not an option. Must’ve been all those high and tight flattop haircuts I grew up with. Skinny jeans make my tally wacker and the boys feel crushed like two walnuts in a Christmas Nutcracker. I am comfortably behind the times. I learned how to be a gentleman from my Mom, and how to be a man from the State Trooper Dad. I’m OK with me. If I carry a purse, it is because it has a gun and… Read more »

Miche
Miche
1 year ago
Reply to  LPD256

Haha….I’ve missed your comments. <3
I almost said *I* want a range bag, and then I remembered I already have one. I just haven't figured out the gun and ammo I want to fill it.

homanj1
homanj1
1 year ago
Reply to  Miche

I’ve missed you too. I have two purses in my trunk right now. A rifle purse and a handgun purse. Haha. Have a Merry and I hope you have a little time off to enjoy the holidays.

Miche
Miche
1 year ago
Reply to  homanj1

*gasp* you can have TWO? one for every occasion?
I’m taking a lot of time off! Day after Christmas I’m heading to Israel. 🙂

LPD256
1 year ago
Reply to  Miche

The rifle bag is just a little bigger. Both are basic black. I have a few others for handguns I shoot frequently where I keep extra magazines fitting the gun. Then I have extra eye protection, hearing protection, ammo, lubrication and cleaning supplies in a crate in my trunk. Throw in first aid, knives, flashlights, batteries, fire extinguishers, jumper cables, ballistic vest, hats,etc. just usual guy stuff. Of course I take all that out and secure it if I have to park outside or my wife sends me to the grocery store for more than a gallon of milk……

Mason
Mason
1 year ago
Reply to  LPD256

Crap, I thought I was doing good to have tools, tow strap, blankets, first aid kits etc. Just no weapons. I am that guy, that always jump starts the doe eyed stranded masses in the parking lot. lol.

LPD256
1 year ago
Reply to  Mason

Mason-I’m car starter man myself. I don’t always have guns in the car, but I go to the range a lot and on those days I do. I always have a crate full of “accessories” like ammo. And always first aid stuff. I took “Be Prepared” seriously when I was in Boy Scouts. Haha

LPD256
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

Hey Geo-homanj1 is my secret identity on another system. Shhhhh…….don’t tell anyone.

Miche
Miche
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

HAHA! I just saw this. 🙂 I don’t think Glocks and I get along very comfortably. So far I really like the HK VP9 (the thing feels like it was built to fit in my hand….if it would just stop spitting hot shells down my shirt), and the Sig Sauer P320. LPD says I should try a Walther.

susanjh01
susanjh01
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

Way to go, Geo. You da man!

Miche
Miche
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

One man’s throwaway is another girl’s treasure? I’d probably rather surrender the cumbersome M-1911 and keep the *throw-away* concealed. Or…probably just avoid altogether the dicey combination of security guard searches and taking multiple guns where firearms aren’t allowed. They would take one look at my not-poker face and make me cough up the guns, Swiss Army knife, fingernail clippers, melty nylon rope, and any loose screws or lost marbles.

But that is why you are the teller of the fun tales of derring-do, and I am merely the appreciative audience.

Mic-Mac
Mic-Mac
1 year ago
Reply to  LPD256

Ah LPD256. I believed like in the Field of Dreams, if someone built this site they would come, and you are one of the they! I did see you comment a little bit ago, glad you are back. Miss your comments too. Merry Christmas to you and that great big wonderful family.

Miche
Miche
1 year ago
Reply to  Mic-Mac

awww, yeah, gettin’ the band back together 😉

TexJ3
TexJ3
1 year ago
Reply to  LPD256

Lmao.

LPD256
1 year ago
Reply to  TexJ3

I’m happy to be here. I have a hard time supporting someone with two airplanes, a Caribbean condo, and a snobass NY partner. That’s why I’m not elsewhere. Besides, I’m sure my $10/month Patreon commitment will sooner or later entitle me to free ninja tools like a Trump Twitter decoder ring. Maybe some folks that were booted in the old days will find their way here. Who knows? So let’s have some fun. Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, and whatever holidays y’all celebrate. Personally, I’m looking forward to the Grandkids, Kids, and friends that will show up in the next 24… Read more »

Miche
Miche
1 year ago
Reply to  LPD256

HAHAHAHA! ^^^Why I Missed You^^^

P.S. My nephew and I are going to arm wrestle later over whether we watch Live Free Or Die Hard first, or Thor: Ragnarok. TOTALLY Christmas-y.

TexJ3
TexJ3
1 year ago
Reply to  LPD256

That is absolutely the best.

susanb01
1 year ago
Reply to  LPD256

I agree with Michelle…that’s why you were missed on here. So glad you left the “dark side” to come over to the light. 🙂

susanb01
1 year ago
Reply to  LPD256

Hey LPD, so glad to see you on here as well as Shooten. Nice to see everyone’s comments on the Freq. 🙂

LPD256
1 year ago
Reply to  susanb01

Enjoying the holidays.wishing the same for you Susan.

susanb01
1 year ago
Reply to  LPD256

I still haven’t figured out why I can’t “like” a comment, LPD. I can’t even tell when someone has left me a comment. It makes me crazy-er, but thank you for your holiday wishes. Happy New Year to you and yours, too. Susan B 🙂

rynobucket
1 year ago

Oh Man!! A rough looking old dude she was… Right on, Geo. I laughed out loud more than once.
“though the lavender part did send my right eyebrow on a northern excursion”
“As I trucked through the interaction and came nearer and nearer to old purse man, as our apogee became perigee”… Skilz.

susanjh01
susanjh01
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

And may 2019 be your best year yet, Geo!

Mic-Mac
Mic-Mac
1 year ago
Reply to  georgehand

And to you you as well geo. Good health and happiness.

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